How does someone as iconic as Art the Clown spend his downtime? Despite his resounding success from Terrifier 3, the horror movie villain maintains a humble daily routine involving blood, bone, and books…
10am
I don’t need sleep, but I do lay dormant until an unsuspecting victim rouses me. Today, it was a delivery driver (Hermes, the worst of the worst) who had arrived at my lair by accident. I used his box cutter to cut through his scalp, flaying him alive before pouring his boiling hot Americano over him. Caffeine is vital for getting a head start on the day, after all. My activities awaken my partner-in-crime, Vicky.
11am
Once the delivery driver’s screams die down, I start the day as I usually do: with a spot of reading. At the minute, it’s ‘How to Dissect Friends and Impale People’. Vicky’s reading my hand-me-down, ‘Psychopath’s Almanac: 101 Ways to Terrify Without Saying a Word’, although it’s not really her thing.
12pm
I try to tie in my breakfast and workout; killing two birds with one stone, as they say. In this case, I kill two lovers with one hatchet. After a quick stretch (it’s important to limber up), I get to work.
I aim for 10,000 steps a day but this morning was more about muscle building. Chopping through bone and sinew is great for the shoulders, while hoisting up bodies really works the core.
I manage to saw through the couple without breaking a sweat. Vicky and I feast on the fresh offal for breakfast, making sure we get our macros for the day.
1.30pm
Once our breakfast is settled, we take a stroll around the neighborhood to carry out some chores and scout for new victims. I’ve always been a fan of keeping things fresh. We start at the laundromat. I’ve got a heavy load today: nine blood-soaked clownfits, as I like to call them.
Vicky’s never been one for clothes washing, but she joins me for a game of Pat-a-cake while we wait. We get some strange looks from the other patrons, so we slaughter all but one, a slippery little bugger who manages to get away.
It doesn’t take long for us to find him, though, hiding in the utility cupboard. He’s trembling so much, I can’t help but chuckle silently. It’s moments like these that take me out of the daily grind and put a smile on my face.
3pm
After a second batch of laundry (the customers were all bleeders), it’s time for some creative expression. I spend the afternoon working on my art: entrails arranged in elaborate designs across the walls. It’s important to maintain your passions, it keeps those ideas flowing.
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Vicky helps by cutting through her own flesh to help find the right shade of red. Blood can be so versatile. I would still consider myself an amateur but I’ve definitely evolved as an artist in my older age.
5pm
Time for a late lunch. Vicky’s got leftovers at home, so I head out for a solo trip to the pizzeria. We work together better when we’ve had some breathing space. Today is my lucky day: there’s a group of friends sitting together.
I head out back to catch up with the staff: pouring bubbling hot oil on their faces before turning them into human slushies with my boots. I go for a pepperoni slice as my prop for today (human food has never been my thing), and when I sit down, one of the group asks for a selfie.
I must admit, I never really understood the social media obsession but I oblige. When it comes to killing, I tend to use what tools I have available to me. In this case, I use a pizza cutter to slice her throat. I drug the others and bring them back for later.
6.30pm
I try to keep up with the news, although I’m not always on my A-game. Today proved why it’s always worth doing, as I see that Sienna Shaw is back in town. I’ve always got time for old friends, and I put a date in my diary to go and visit. After this, I usually spend a few hours staring at the wall without blinking.
9pm
I’m quite a social person, whereas Vicky’s more of an introvert. In the evenings, I like to check out the local scene, whether it’s college parties, gigs, or fairgrounds – I’m not fussy. Tonight, I head to an abandoned warehouse rave. The vibe is excellent: loud music and flashing lights.
I spend the next couple of hours dismembering crowd members with my rusty hacksaw, before knocking out one bloke with eyes like saucers and bringing him back for our nightly blowout.
11.30pm
Usually, Vicky and I will wind down for the day by slaughtering a group of victims at home. We tried yoga for a while but it just wasn’t as effective. We start with one of the girls from the pizzeria, who Vicky’s prepared by hoisting her up to the ceiling. I use my saw to tear through her from box to bazoo, which I always find is extremely effective for building up fear in the rest of the group.
Once we’re done, we settle down with a glass of my favorite vintage: blood from a victim I drained earlier, aged to perfection. I normally try and stick to just one but tonight I was feeling spicy and had three. No regrets.
If you want to learn more about Art, you can catch him in Terrifier 3, which is in cinemas now. You can also check out our ranking of his best kills, our breakdown of the ending (if you’ve seen it already), and why Terrifier 4 being the last film in the Art saga is the right decision.
